The year is ending. These are the days when we, UP students, count on coffee, energy drinks, cigarettes and lots of heavy fastfood to keep us awake and kicking through the coming sleepless nights.
It is actually painful to see people—busying themselves around for those important requirements of their classes' conclusion, while I still don't feel guilty of doing just nothing. Well, I guess eating and surveying undone work is still something to do. I hated it. I have been in this whole year of wondering why I have been such a sluggish student when it comes to my work ethics. I don't have a summa cum laude work ethics, by the way and the achievement it corresponds to.
And this is knew, just today, that I felt really bad to hear one of my GE (general education) professors asking me whether I was still serious about the course he was handling. Yeah, I guess, with his personality, it should not have been taken too seriously. However, it is almost the same as pretending to have heard nothing.
I get busy and booted up for work when I am told off harshly. It worked with how my father had raised me. I need to have myself checked with someone I trust. And I guess I could say that, more than the freedom a dormitory student has, parents are still the best companions while still growing up in college. I missed my dad looking angry whenever I am seen like a tourist bum in front of the TV or the PC.
I get a lot of these kinds of drama these days. It is hard to get support. I don't even know how to counter being idle and feeling idle—having to know that deadlines will arrive a few days from now. AHhh. This really is complicated! It makes me want to quit everything and start over again. Hmm. I wonder if other students have this kind of issue.
And I still have a wish, though hopeless, considering the present context: I hope life after college will be better.
Bitter me.
